2016 has finally come to an end and as far as I can remember it was a year full of challenges and battles won. I never imagined how transformed I am now because of the choices I made in 2015. And that is to be a full-time mother. Leaving my day job and learning to focus on my top priority for life is one of the toughest decisions of my life. Although I am a mom to Adi I never realized how demanding it was to be a mom of two expecting to do all things on my own. But, to be honest, no words can explain what I went through. 

I learned to manage my time well and focused on the important things in life like preparing the meals and even to organizing the toys. Washing the laundry and breastfeeding Ami was the hardest of all. Without my parents' assistance and support I wouldn't have done it all. 

The fruit of my labor. My kids and my small family. I learned that I cannot anymore go out on my own. I cannot anymore manage to go out of the house and run errands without somebody else's company or without my kids. I have become so attached to them that it seems they are already a part of my whole being.

I learned that when I decided to become a full time mom to them I have also decided to bid farewell to my old self. I learned to become more selfless. On the first 3 months of adjustment, I remember I was afraid to go out of the house to call Adi to come home because I was shy, I was afraid that I couldn't discipline him the right way. My parents would always scold me because I was not performing my duty. Of course, I was still preparing my mind that this is how it is going to be now. That I need to step up and be the mother that I am. 

A year has passed, and I pat myself on my back because I have raised Ami by myself. Disciplined Adi by myself- he listens to me now whenever I scold him for doing something wrong. A year has passed with me purely breastfeeding Ami, learned to bathe her on my own two hands, clean her poop with my own hands. But whenever I feel like I need help I'm just forever grateful I got two able beings around me. My parents! Thank you Nay and Tay for shopping our food in the market whenever I feel so dizzy to go out. 

Indeed 2016 was a life changing year for me. So many lessons learned and so many memories kept in my kind and heart forever. Thank you 2016 for a meaningful year. For teaching and empowering my nature as a mom and a homemaker. 

I look forward to 2017 with head up high.

Happy New Year to us all!

Stay fab!

-nanaykikay-

Yes! That is having a daughter. I have always wanted to have a baby girl whom I could deeply connect with. Someone that I could finally call my own. A girl that is a small version of me. My last chance at redeeming myself from my bad experiences before. A second chance at being pretty in all sorts of things. 😄 I never had a very much nice or what you call it worthy childhood as a girl. I never really enjoyed having all the nice dresses and barbie toys. I knew that being a little girl again is impossible and healing my dark past is all I wished for. But now having her is like having this chance of seeing and maybe building another tomorrow that is promising and secure. 

Having a daughter was all I ever wanted. As much as I wanted to dress her up and buy cute little tiny things for her. Seeing her happy and fulfilled one day is all I ever long for.  I love my daughter because she reflects me somehow. I want her to achieve her dreams someday and that she would know that I was always there behind her, that she would know that I always got her back. She is a reflection of my infinite hopes and dreams. And I wanted her to make them all happen. 

To my dearest daughter, 

As you grow older I want you to fly as free as a bird.

Go forth and pursue all your dreams. 

Conquer the universe.

Live your life to the fullest and take chances.

Be confident in making them all come true. But in all these, never forget your worth.

and finally know how much we truly and deeply love you.

Mommy is just here. I love you baby girl.